A crock of Vitaminwater

Coca-Cola wants you to take your medicine and ophers phourteen phreindly, phake phlavors in pharmaceutically phormed bottles.

Coca-Cola wants you to take your medicine and ophers phourteen phreindly, phake phlavors in pharmaceutically phormed bottles.

Without even bothering to look at the ingredients, the brains behind Waterblogged.info have always scornfully dismissed Vitaminwater as a crock of corporate hype. One day, Alternet writer Andrea Whitfill did vet the label’s fine print, an experience she called “eye-opening.” As our annoying little hairsplitting copy editor triumphantly pointed out,Whitfill’s  eyes must have already been open, because–as he stammered–“She was all, like, you know, reading.”

OK, let’s suppose that Whitfill’s eyes were already opened, but then widened with dismay when she read that:

. . .Vitaminwater had “natural” ingredients like “processed crystalline fructose,” “natural” caffeine and a lot of other things I didn’t understand like deionized and/or reverse-osmosis water.

And as I did the math, I realized there were 125 calories in one of those sexy* bottles, along with 32.5 grams of sugar …”natural” of course. Hmm … that’s almost what a can of Coca-Cola has.

These revelations led Whitfill to do further research and write the Alternet article “Vitaminwater’s Empty Calories Are at the Heart of What’s Wrong with the Beverage Industry,” an excellent think piece on the relationship between misleading advertising and the obesity epidemic. Whitfill scrupulously points out that she’s not the first to address the fact that Vitaminwater is basically BS in a bottle, and possibly a public-health menace. She notes:

In January 2009 the Coca-Cola Co. was served notice of a class-action lawsuit filed over what the Center for Science in Public Interest (CSPI) says are deceptive and unsubstantiated claims on its Vitaminwater line of beverages.

“Vitaminwater is more likely to increase a regular consumer’s chances of being obese or developing diabetes,” says the CSPI.

*Sexy isn’t the first word that jumps to the collective mind of the Waterblogged.info editorial staff when we consider the deceptively designed label. But Whitfill is spot on when she alludes to the phony pharmaceutical look. It’s a phriendly, phun, and phully phake message that Vitaminwater is just what the doctor ordered for health and vitality.

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One Response

  1. I just know this. Hmm…, I’ll spread this around.

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